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[23 Dec 2009|12:22pm]

Erin Ashley Goldman
Kiss me goodbye

We can never go back to before [26 Jan 2008|09:52pm]
[ mood | depressed and sick and pensive ]

It's about time I updated this fucking thing. I'm so consumed with my own emotions at the moment that I think the only way to find solace is to vent through this thing. Unlike my previous emo high school entries I will not apologize for my emotions or my feelings, they are what they are and if it sounds over dramatized or if you can't handle my histrionics I don't care.

Currently I am sitting in my empty bathtub with a pillow and my computer and listening to the rain fall. This is quite difficult with remnants of the flu inside my body and the dim lighting but it will have to do seeing as this is the only place where I can clear my mind (if possible) and just feel free to write whatever the fuck I want. In almost all my classes they have us write journals. I would never think that I would willingly be doing this on a SATURDAY night mind you but I am. The problem at hand is that I feel so pathetic. Everything about me and my life I feel is pathetic. I don't even know where to begin. I think it begins at the whole me not being ready to leave high school and being thrust into college when I wasn't ready thing. I can't let go. NO matter how hard I try. I keep coming back to LA every weekend. That hinders my social life in Irvine but then at the same time I don't want a social life there because all I care about is LA. I keep holding on to the life I had and I'm grieving the life I had and for some nauseating and troubling reason I cannot move on. Everybody else is doing it. What is wrong with me that I can't accept a new life and that I can't dive into it with a positive attitude? The thing that really gets me is that I was actually miserable in high school. You think that they way I talk about LA and my life before college that I loved high school and that I was the most popular kid... but I wasn't and my high school experience wasn't anything like that. I cried and cried because I was so miserable. But then I graduate and I'm miserable in college and suddenly that miserable doesn't seem so miserable to me anymore. You never know how good you had it until its gone. But I miss it. I keep thinking that it was better than it actually was and I want to go back to it. I keep thinking if my mom put me in the grade that I was supposed to be in and I would still be in high school at the moment, would I be happier?
Another thing that I'm stuck on is the people here. My BEST friends are still in high school. They are closer to my age and I feel more comfortable with them. I don't talk to my old best friends anymore and the best friends that I DO have in my grade are in Scotland and Poland. I keep coming to LA to see my best friends who are seniors but what am I going to do next year when they are dispersed through the US and I have no one to come back to? I'm miserable now but how am I going to deal with that heartbreak? I must be the most naive person in the world because I can't accept change and that its a part of life. I am STILL mourning my old life and I can't stop and it's just making me so upset. Tonight while in bed I watched the winter concert again. And I saw all my friends and I felt that I am so misplaced right now. I don't even know in what sense anymore. I feel like I have completely lost myself in Irvine. I don't even know who I am anymore. I wanted a career and to get amazing training there, and now all I want to do is just get a job in LA and get my old life back here. Another thing thats extremely difficult is that I grew up living with only my mom and my dog. We are extremely close and I'm having extreme separation anxiety from her. She is my life and my everything and I miss being around her. I try to take it one day at a time but its so difficult. I think about her and my dog all the time. I keep feeling like I'm missing things in LA. ANd facebook is basically the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I know of parties and everything going on in LA because of it. So I am aware of everything going on and I feel like I'm missing it. Also I can still basically stalk everyone in LA and I'm so envious of them all. Now that thats out I feel a slight weight lifted off of my shoulders but I am still troubled. Thinking about my little hole in the wall aka my dorm room makes me shudder. I feel like I left LA abruptly and with unfinished business with relationships I needed to mend that I didn't...that there were opportunities that I fucked up. I hate that feeling. Nostalgia, regret, home sickness, and nausea are the worst. And they are all what I am feeling right now. If I spend anymore time feeling bad for myself I will throw up and not because of my flu. I miss being healthy, I think this flu has mentally fucked me up as well. Being stuck in a dorm room for 4 days was awful. OK I really am done now.

love actually,
erin ashley goldman

2 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[26 Nov 2006|10:16pm]

Being sick is the worst. Being sick right before your birthday and musical auditions is even worse. I've been throwing up all day and I havent thrown up since I was like 8. It suuucccks. And I have the chills.

4 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[02 Oct 2006|08:36pm]
ahhh and it's finally October. My favorite month. Aside from Eden Espinosa leaving wicked on the 8th and my uncles unveiling, I love October. I love fall. My favorite holiday in the world is halloween. Theres nothing like watching Halloweentown , and Hocus Pocus. My mom says we can get out our decorations and decorate the house with Halloween decorations. Halloween is SO important to me. And it's really important that I have a spectacular halloween this year. I don't want to go to the gay parade again but I want someone to have a HUGE costume party. Where everyone dresses up. I HATE when people think they are too cool to dress up for halloween. I wish I could go to disneyland on halloween but my mom won't be here to take me as she will be in the Bay of Dreams(aka the bay of the dead) on Halloween.  I'm going to go all out this year. Theres already something different in the air that makes me so happy. I hope I will be satisfied this halloween if not I will cry for hours. It just means so much. Anyway, happy october.
2 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

Music Myspace!!! [05 Sep 2006|11:43pm]

ADD ME!!!!
2 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[17 Jul 2006|08:54pm]
Kiss me goodbye

suck it [25 Jun 2006|08:04pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

I think I'm in the worst mood I have possibly ever been in.  I hate my life.

1 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[19 May 2006|02:52pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

DC '07 full company fuck yes!

3 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[02 Oct 2005|09:16pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]



7 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[14 May 2005|11:30pm]
[ mood | LIVID ]

OMG this truly had been the WORST week of my life. SO much went wrong. I have been so angry today. IM SO FUCKING MAD!!! REALLY!

Guess who was the FIRST PERSON TO BUY V.I.P Jesse McCartney tickets?
Guess who paid 25 dollars?
Guess who was extremely excited for weeks?
Guess who thought it was guerenteed that she would meet Jesee?
Guess who didn't get to meet Jessee because NO ONE TOLD ME WE HAD TO COME AT 5:30? I THOUGHT IT WAS AFTER the show that we got to meet him.
Guess who is dissapointed and ANGRY beyond belief that I was promised that I got to meet him and promised to sit in the V.I.P area and then DIDNT GET TO?

It's not so much the fact that it was Jesse McCartney becuase I'm not the #1 OMG fan, but I was told that I would meet him and I paid extra for it. I WAS TOLD! BUT SOMEONE FORGOT TO MENTION THAT I HAD TO COME AT 5:30.

I'm so upset. I'm so angry. Someone make me feel better quick.

8 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[13 Apr 2005|08:43am]
[ mood | excited ]

Hey guys!! I hope you all saw/enjoyed the assembly yesterday:-) And I hope you all are going to come see the entire show of Bye Bye Birdie which opens tomorrow but we have a matinee show today for the middle school kids. Anyway, I can't believe it's almost over..aahhhhh! I'm going to try not to think about that. I have been falling asleep really early and not doing my homework. I think I've been failing tests too. Hopefully after the show is over I can bring my grades up. Alright, I have to finish getting ready for school but I just wanted to update since I fell alseep really early last night before I was going to update.

Love Actually,


6 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[23 Mar 2005|12:47pm]
[ mood | good ]

Stolen From city_love_83  's LJ AKA Lital.


--------->Take it to the backseat run it like a track meet....Collapse )

10 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

Gali's Sweet 16!!!! [05 Mar 2005|10:14am]
[ mood | blah ]

Last night was soooo much fun!! Thanks for inviting me Gali, I  had SO much fun. And the dessert was AMAZING! Especially the cheesecake:-) I really enjoyed talking to everyone last night, so here are some pics....

wan't more?Collapse )

12 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[23 Jan 2005|07:03pm]
[ mood | pumped ]

Congrats to everyone who got into the musical!!! I'm so excited!! After a tough stressfull week came a nice relaxing weekend. This is the most I've updated in a while. I really don't feel like writing an essay about my weekend so I'll try and keep it short.

Friday-found out I got into the musical, went to beverly drive, saw Mia, she screamed in the street, ate, went to Yasi's and looked @ myspace.

Saturday-ballet, bought a shirt literally an hour before the party I wore it to, went to Tiff's , danced, saw lots of people, and yeahh....

Sunday- did h/w , did nothing, then shopped, picked up Rosie from Doggie Day Care, blasted "drop it like its hott" in my moms convertible.

Thats it:-)

6 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

NEW YEARS CRISIS [30 Dec 2004|01:13pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Ok, Listen up everyone. What are your plans for new years? If you don't have any, do you have any ideas? If it has to do with going to a resturaunt or renting a hotel room we need to know ASAP because we need ot make reservations. And planning this whole new years thing has been driving me , carly and annie absolutely crazy so if anyone can help, it would be greatly appreciated.

3 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[08 Dec 2004|08:48pm]
[ mood | eh ]

uhhh I'm so sick of feeling so uncool because I'm not into a lot of the same things as most people at my school.

Maybe I....
Don't share the same taste in music as most of beverly hills high (I LOVE britney and christina)
Am really into fashion (ie: Marc Jacobs)
Love MTV shows (especially battle of the sexes)
Am OBSESSED with magazines(teen vogue & us weekly)
Tuck my pants into my uggs
& Love make-up

but I shouldn't have to feel bad about it....right?

17 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[26 Nov 2004|04:59pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Hey there! It's Lital .. Erin's over and we're having a blast doing absolutely nothing, which isn't good because I'm sure that we both gained 100 pounds after all that thanksgiving food! Anywhoo .. I'm making her listen to DMB (of course) but that's only because she changed my icon to BRITNEY! Haha .. Erinita, I love you!


want some more?Collapse )

6 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[16 Oct 2004|02:18pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I have a new crush

---->Collapse )

8 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[10 Oct 2004|09:37pm]
My weekends consisted of ballet then Minnesingers practice on
Sat from 2 in the afternoon- 9 at night
Sun-from 1- 6

pretty crazy huh?
1 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

[31 Aug 2004|06:26am]
[ mood | stressed ]

My registration time was at 2:30, and they took me at 4:30. Anyway, my classes are this:

Per 2: English-Wehner

PEr 3: H Hebrew-Scheiner

Per 4: Minnesingers-Pressman

Per 5: P.e (volleyball)- Paysinger

Per 6: Bio-Kobe

Per 7: Basic Geometry-Cramer


PLEASE, I was freaking out because I wont know anoybody, so I would really appreciate it if you could comment if we have a class together:-)

12 are DEFYING GRAVITY | Kiss me goodbye

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